The
subject was ‘Living with Dementia: My
Mother And I’, and Simon began by filling in the picture of his mother’s
life and personality predementia. He described her as displaying ‘containable
eccentricity’ and being ‘rather a quirky woman’. She had always had a very
imperfect memory and wrote everything down.
She
experienced ‘a mental and physical collapse’ at the age of 87, and it soon
became clear that the combination of paranoia, malnutrition and dementia made
finding a nursing home for her an imperative.
Simon commented on ‘the astounding difference between homes’, but he
managed to find one in Central London which proved to be near-ideal. It was small, modern, well-designed, run by
an enlightened group of doctors, and progressive in its ethos. Music and art were a focus, there was a
beautiful garden, and an emphasis on activity and humour. Simon commended the caring staff, many of
whom were from ethnic minorities: every day was treated as special, and there
were many celebrations held in a family atmosphere.
Despite
all the social opportunities, however, his mother had, he believed, ‘embarked
upon a journey of re-evaluation internally’.
Gone was the fanatical Catholicism of her earlier life; now she was
‘thinking, trying to solve a dilemma’. Coming to terms with someone with the
condition, he suggested, ‘you transcend the individual relationship and embrace
common humanity’. I was struck by the
congruity of this process with FIOP’s definition of spirituality as ‘developing
an understanding of what gives meaning to people’s lives.’ This was a thought-provoking morning for us
all.
John Killick
